Three Years On

Today is my mother's third death anniversary.

It is with great openness that I write about this. There is no sadness, grief or pain as I pen this. I have always been open about sharing with others that I have one less living parent, mostly to spare everyone the awkward feelings when they wonder why I only talk about my dad. Or why I'm only living with my dad.

Life is life. Life expires.

To put it simply, we're all cartons of milk with expiry dates. It has always been only a matter of when.

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My mother died in her sleep. She was 59. She was perfectly healthy and somewhat a health freak. She ate very little carbohydrates, was a huge fan of fish, loved vegetables and gu lu yok (sweet and sour pork), really enjoyed her toast, kopi and teh c. She walked to work and back every day and loved her job. In the two weeks prior to her passing, she had a common cough and flu, and was taking medication for it.

2 weeks later, she was gone in her sleep. We will never know what was the exact cause of death because we never did an autopsy. People will chime in with plenty of their opinions that this action of not conducting an autopsy was inappropriate, and that knowing the cause of death is instrumental to the healing process.

It is not instrumental.

1) An autopsy involves a U-shaped incision from the shoulders, continuing down to the pubic bone, and the removal of most, if not all, organs for investigation. It's like the action of gutting and cutting up a chicken, and sewing the chicken back together later to present to its fellow chickens.

2) An autopsy also will not alter the reality that the person is already dead.

So, thanks, but no thanks.

My mother was many things, sometimes the softest and warmest person, sometimes the unreasonable person who blasted music starting from 8.30am on a Saturday and sang at the top of her lungs to hymns, classics and such. If you were to ask me what was her singing style - it would undoubtedly be "maximum volume" style with her volume level having only one setting with no "power off" button.

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Acceptance. The easiest way to stomach the concept of life and its confirmed expiration is to accept the things in life that you cannot change.

To end this, remember that anyone can leave you any day. Make every moment with them meaningful. Quarrel less, apologize more, speak less, listen more. Perceived healthy people dying in sleep occurs more often than you think. A common flu is also not something you should brush off.

All things in life, as with Life itself, will expire.