James' Baby Shower & Reflections on Motherhood

Spent my Saturday at my cousin's newborn baby's 1st month celebration! It's great how the family gets together to celebrate life. I never knew the difficulties of having a baby, and raising a baby, until both my sisters had their own. Having/raising a baby is a whole new ball game. If you think adult life is exhausting, adult life with young children is doubly exhausting! Well, of course, young children also bring joy, and I've realised, they are a bittersweet remedy to (adult) Life itself.  

Here's James Doss! He's technically half-German and half-Singaporean-Chinese and sure is such a beauty to behold. He also had an astounding birth weight of over 4kg! (He's practically the same size as my niece who's 3+ months old now - and he's only 1 month old.) 

I've never been a fan of babies - I don't dislike them, but I don't fawn over them either. So it's safe to say, I simply have had a neutral view towards them. But my mindset's changing - perhaps all those maternal instincts are all coming right out and raging wild only now, after the addition of 2 nieces and 1 nephew for me. So... I mean it when I say this - Babies are so precious. The past year has educated me much about the technicalities of baby-making (it's not just about the sex lol), handling newborns, rocking vs. gentle swaying the baby to sleep... etc - and I now know that it is not that easy for everyone. I laugh when uncles and aunties say to me, "Wow now you must be very experienced with babies ah!" Perhaps... But of course, that amount of knowledge is not enough (to really raise a baby) right?

***  

Anyway, it's the Mothers' Day weekend, and everyone's all out celebrating and commemorating Mother's Day with their mothers. 

It hit me that it takes so much to be a parent. It takes so much sacrifice, so many sleepless nights, worrisome days... just to raise a child in a proper manner. So at 22, I finally feel the reality and importance of treasuring my parents, and understanding how much they have given up, in order to give me "more". 

Recently, I had to wash a shit-soiled baby romper because my sister left it at my place. That really got me reflecting on how much a mother deals with, when dealing with a young, helpless baby that simply eats, shits, sleeps, cries, eats, shits, sleeps, cries, repeat. We have all been that helpless creature once before. So who was that person cleaning, bathing and feeding us?

It's probably a shame that I've only fully understood it all now, the idea of parents and their sacrifices, but you know, it's better late than never. My mother recently passed away - it's been about one and a half years since her death, and her death has really taught me a lot of things. The entire experience, from contacting my sisters at 1am (they're married, so they don't live with me), to contacting a doctor to certify death at 1+am in the morning, to picking out her outfit, her undergarments, her shoes, her jewellery, calling the police. 

I never knew death had so many procedures. 

Of course, no one ever would volunteer to have that experience, but I'm telling you, it is the most enlightening experience in my life so far. It has certainly taught me to treasure the people around me more, and also the things we have, and to always be prepared, and to always stay calm and accept reality as it is. 

My close friend once said that people always 'value life and family a little more', after they have a brush with mortality. I suppose that holds a lot of truth. But through this, I have also learnt more about what it means to be human. Death is not painful to the person who is already dead, but death is painful to the people who are left behind - and learning and knowing how to pick up the pieces, and taking care of the leftover living is way more important than feeling bad for the dead that they may have gone too soon. Somehow, the whole experience gave me a flashback of how my mother would pick out my clothes and shoes when I was younger - and there we were, picking out her send-off outfit and shoes for the first, and very last time. 

Parents give up a lot to give their children more. Objectively speaking though, mothers definitely give up more. I will never forget my mother's constant presence at all my parent-teacher meetings, sending me to my piano examinations/lessons, testing my english and chinese spelling every week making sure I got at least 9/10 every spelling, making sure I did my homework and assessment books, standing up for me when a school teacher bullied me, buying food for me, staying overnight with me when I was hospitalized for severe asthma when I was 7. Those are just a few out of many memories.

My mother worked 5 days a week, so definitely it took sacrifice for her to do all those things for me while managing her job responsibilities. 

This is not meant to be a sad, mourning kind of post. I would say it's a happy one. I'm thankful for everything my mother has done for me, and what she has moulded me to be. 

To mothers, and mothers-to-be, you are the 'heart' of society. Without you, humanity would know of no love, no compassion, no selfless sacrifice, and with that, I wish you all, a Happy Mother's Day.